Thursday, February 09, 2012

The Husband Project - Day 1

I am not a perfect wife. I make mistakes and get selfish. I put my own needs above my husband's needs plenty. Last Spring I was looking for some help in changing this and my friend Shawna Lee suggested The Husband Project. I took her advice and it worked to adjust my attitude towards one of service towards my husband and not one of entitlement. I finally feel ready to share it with all of you and invite you to do it with me.

The only reason I feel confident sharing this advice with you is because I know it works. And I know it works because I have done everything I am going to share with you. I've seen the change in my house when I do these things and it was good.

We are going to take a 5-day journey together. Five days of loving our husbands intentionally in ways that mean something to them. This won't be about us and our needs, it will be about meeting 1 of his needs each day. Each day I'll share 1 "project" that we will do together. I'll share how it worked out for me and my husband and ask you to do the same. There will be happy times. There will be frustration. There will be lots of love. AND, there will be prizes! You have to play along at least 1 day to be eligible to win the prizes.

Let me introduce you to my friend and the creative genius who came up with this idea - Kathi Lipp. She wrote the book that makes husband's every where happy - The Husband Project - 21 Days of Loving Your Man on Purpose and with a Plan. Our 5-day project was designed by her to introduce this idea to as many wives as possible. At the end of the project, I'll be giving away a copy of this book along with lots of other goodies! 

Let's get started with the first project! Try to do this tonight if you can.

Would he like to be left alone to rest and rejuvenate, or does he want some undivided attention from you? What would show him you value his work and want him to feel like home is a safe place?
My husband has a 50 minute commute home at the end of his day. He spends all day with 7th graders and really needs that quiet time on his motorcycle to help ease his transition. Does that mean he is ready to deal with cranky, hungry children when he walks in the door? No. So, every now and again, I let him know in the morning that when he comes home, I want him to head straight upstairs to decompress for 30 minutes or so. 

Already, some of you have come up with all sorts of excuses as to why you just can't do this. That's okay. Kathi has suggested some ways you can make this work for you, even if hubby works from home:
  • My friend, Joann, purposely scheduled her daughter’s dance classes twice a week at the same hour that her husband gets home from work. That way, her hubby comes home to an empty house. He gets some quiet, and she gets a more peaceful man.
  • One husband has his workshop out in the garage. His wife encourages him to go and hang out there for a while before dinner. (Since starting this arrangement, her husband has started helping out with the after-dinner clean up. Nice side benefit.)
  • Crockpots are The Husband Project’s best friend. Set your crockpot to be finished thirty minutes after your husband gets home from work. Let him know that you don’t need anything until dinner is ready. Don’t know a crockpot from a flower pot? Check out the recipes in The Ultimate Guide to Man Food at www.kathilipp.com.
  • Does your husband already have a great transition routine after getting home? Find some other little thing to bless that time. Maybe it’s making sure the TV is available, his favorite sweats are clean and ready to be changed into, or there’s a cold soda waiting for him in the fridge. It may be so small that he doesn’t even notice. That’s okay – you’ll know what you did.
  • What if your husband works from home? Maybe the best way to help him relax is to ask what he would like the schedule to be. Does he want dinner before or after he gets some time to recharge? Ask him what would make his night better.
So there's your assignment for today - bless your husband with 30 minutes of his transitional time to do with as he pleases. You don't have to do it every day. Just one day. Just 30 minutes.

Leave a comment to let me know how you plan to complete this assignment. Or if you've done it already, how did it go? Do you have any tips or advice for other wives? Each comment counts towards an entry into a great prize pack that I'll reveal more of as the days go by.


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25 comments:

  1. Brandy RosenbergerThu Feb 09, 12:56:00 PM EST

    I plan on taking the kids to the park when he gets home so he can have his 30 min

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    1. How did that go Brandy? I saw your tweet.... :)

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  2. This month my boys have swim lessons twice a week in the evening about the same time my husband gets home from work. I plan to make sure he comes home and enjoys the quiet house. I bought the book awhile ago but haven't start the whole project yet. Thanks for the reminder.

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    1. Ahhh... quiet house. I love a quiet house. This 5 day project will be a great jump start on the whole Husband Project. Kathi's book really is helpful.

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  3. This is an easy project as long as I don't work that evening(which I do alot of times) Normally my husband doesn't get much decompression time as I am passing him in the door way, shouting out what I left for him to make for dinner, if the kids have homework, where they are, etc.. However yesterday, today, and Friday I have the evenings off so I already told him he can go to the stores and walk around looking at all the new stuff and not have to hurry home! Most nights I am home he comes home late and gets comfortable and watches tv. Project accomplished! :)

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    1. Isn't it a good feeling to know you are already doing something so simple to help your man feel appreciated? Good for you!

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  4. This is a great idea! I'm glad you are blogging and sharing your wisdom from going through this before. Thanks!

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    1. I'm just happy to be blogging something again! I think I took almost 2 weeks off and it weighed on me the whole time. Let me know how your hubby liked his coffee break.

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  5. Oh, and I do plan to do this today! I forgot to write that part! I'm going to suggest he go get some coffee before coming home to relax and chill out.

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  6. This is a great idea! Especially sounds good when I'm really missing my husband as he's been away on business...He's usually on "kid duty" as soon as he walks in the door, but I'm going to try and give him that 30 min break...not easy when it's not ME who's wanting the attention, but a very adorable little daddy's girl! May have to adjust the plan a bit...his break is usually during bathtime, which I drag out purposefully so he can relax...just sharing an idea for others who may be like me....

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    1. That is a great suggestion! It won't work for all families in exactly the same way. Good for you for making it work in your house.

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  7. I could not have read this at a more perfect time!! My husband is usually out of town Monday-Friday for work and gets home late on Friday night. He has been under extra pressure this week due to work issues and our son be very ill, almost to the point of hospitalization. Since our son is doing better, but still on bed rest, I decided to use the the afternoon to tackle a HUGE project I have been avoiding, that I know annoys him, and that he has been too sweet to complain about!

    We have a shared extra bedroom which he uses as an office and I use as a library. My book collection had grown out of control and was encroaching upon his office space. I decided my Valentine gift would be a clean home office. I am already halfway done, the Hospice Thrift Store has received a generous book donation, and my husband will have a pleasant surprise tomorrow night :)

    As for the 30 minute window when gets home, I always ask him what he would like and honor that, whether it is quiet time to himself and the T.V. or to talk my head off about his week.

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  8. This could not have come at a better time! Thanks:) My husband usually comes home and relaxes in his garage w/ an ice cold beer. Due to funds being tight the beer was one of the things that had to go. So, as silly as it may sound I plan to get him a tall boy and place it in his mini fridge along with a note telling him to take his time out in his man cave and come in when he's ready!
    -Giffe'

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  9. I can't do this today or tomorrow because Keith gets off way after we are all in bed sleeping but I think I will take all the kids to tball practice saturday morning so he can have the house to himself!

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  10. For my day 1, I started dinner early so that it would be done when Rich got home. I made his ultimate fav, tater tot casserole, and it was ready when he walked in the door. I took his lunch bag and handed him his dinner plate and told him to go into our room and enjoy while I fed our 2 boys and cleaned up. I let him be for about 45mins and when I came into the room he actually said, "what is up? Whats the matter?!" It took some convincing to let him know I did it to give him some time to chill after work. That we appreciate him and that he works all day to support us. I'm not sure he believed me, but I felt better and he did too.
    ***Jan***

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  11. My husband is training for his new job and working 7am to 7pm for training. So when he got home this evening, our son was in the tub, dinner was ready and waiting, and so was some coffee. Then once our son was in bed, I gave my husband my undivided attention to listen to his day. It really made him happy and me too. He's still in a wonderful mood!

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  12. My comment ran away, lol!

    My husband is actually starting a new job. This was his second day of training. We've been having some problems so this is a great thing to start!

    For him today, when he got home around 7:30, I had the little one in the tub, dinner ready and waiting, and coffee. All he had to do was kick off his shoes and dig in and give the boy a kiss goodnight. Then I gave him my undivided attention to hear about his day and it really made him happy. All the toys were picked up and everything. He was so much more relaxed!

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  13. Each night after dinner, my hubby goes to the YMCA alone. When he gets home, the kitchen is clean and the 3 boys are bathed and ready for bed. He didn't go last night and he has a busy weekend ahead of him, so I am going to make sure he goes tonight, just to get some alone time.

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  14. 3 times a week, my hubby goes to the YMCA after dinner. It's his alone time. When he comes home, the kitchen is cleaned and the kids are bathed and ready for bed. He didn't go yesterday and has a busy weekend ahead of him (scout campout at Kennedy Space Center with our oldest) I will make sure he goes tonight, just to have some alone time!

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  15. I made snacks and watched a basketball game with my hubby. He loves watching sports together!

    Laurasu82 at yahoo.com

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  16. I left a note on the front door telling him to sneak in and take a few minutes for himself. I kept the kids from attacking him when he walked in the door. I distracted them until he came in for his hello's! He was a happy man. :)

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  17. I asked mine what would be a good transition for him. He told me that he really does not need a transition time but what he would love is a clean kitchen. This is more of a sacrifice than a transition but for the last 4 days I have made sure that there is no dishes in the sink! :)

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  18. I have a hard time with this book. We are doing it for Bible study at church. Well I work and husband stays home with kids and I dread coming home as it is chaos. I don't get the same treatment you women give your husbands and it's very hard to have energy to do much else besides love the kids because they miss me so much. I don't even feel like a woman let alone a wife or mother. But despite our issues when he asked if he could go ride around for awhile today, I said yes and he has been gone for over an hour. Well I guess I can check off day one now. But just curious does anyones man take advantage or use this situation with the project? This is truely going to be a challenge. dawnieinga@yahoo.com

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    1. That certainly sounds like a tough situation that I can't speak to from personal experience. But, maybe I can offer an answer regarding your question about being taken advantage of.

      My husband didn't know when I was doing the project so it wasn't really an option for him to take advantage. I can say that, as a SAHM mom, when I do get a chance to leave the house alone for a short while, I often end up being gone longer than expected. It is such a nice break to walk away and feel a little free that I usually take advantage of it.

      When my husband comes home, I don't expect much else from him in the evenings besides "love the kids" because I know his job wipes him out.

      It will be a blessing to your husband to work through the Husband Project. It will also require a sacrifice on your part. I think that part is true whether we are the working parent or the at home parent. Please, please do come back and tell us how it is going!

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    2. Jennifer - I love your response to this. Yes, each of us has hard situations in The Husband Project. I think the thing to look for, if you are not feeling appreciated by your man, is to know that you are showing real love to your husband. Literally "unconditional" love. Your love doesn't depend on a response.

      I have seen women who were resistant in the beginning, slowly see some areas where it's easy to encourage their husbands where the don't feel taken advantage of. I think you are great for doing this even though it is hard. I promise you, you will see some results - they may just be between you and God, but you will see them!

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