Motherhood and God's Sovereignty

Sometimes, I don't realize how odd I am until I share the inner workings of my brain with other people. They kind of cock their head to the side and look at me, confused or bewildered at what I've just said. Or maybe they are trying to think of a polite way to point out that I am crazy.

As this pregnancy has progressed (I'm now almost 18 weeks along), I've left a few people with tilted heads as I explain my thoughts about motherhood and God's sovereignty. You see, for lots of reasons, I've thought a lot about how I would react if something went wrong. And while I can't be sure until I am in that situation, I know that God is sovereign.

Here is how that is playing out in my mind during my third pregnancy (and where the tilted head might come in)...

Because our family already has 2 daughters, many people have assumed that we are hoping for a boy. This question is mildly irritating when I think about what it implies about Mary (not having been a boy, she isn't good enough, so we are trying again to get that boy that eluded us during the last pregnancy), but I generally overlook it and let the inquisitor know that we truly don't have a preference, that God will give us a son or a daughter as He sees fit.

And until recently, I would have added, "I'll be happy so long as the baby is healthy."

Then, one day early in this pregnancy, as I started to say this out loud, I was stopped in my tracks. All of a sudden, I didn't feel right declaring that I'd "be happy so long as the baby is healthy."

What was I really saying about my God when I declared the gender didn't make a difference in my satisfaction with God, but that the baby's health did?

Go ahead. Tilt your heads. Most people do that at this point in the story. The first time I asked myself this question, I tilted my head too.

If I believe that God is sovereign over the gender of my child, how can I also not believe that He is sovereign over the health of my child? If he is sovereign over one thing, then He is sovereign over all things. I can't pick and choose what I will accept from God. He's an all or nothing kind of God.

Does this mean that I am hoping for a child who has disabilities or health problems? Heck no. Too many times, I have seen friends walk the halls of hospitals, cry over medication choices that aren't working, and give up any leisure time so they can care for their ill child. I'm far too selfish and lazy to make a choice to give myself over to that life on purpose. (As an aside, I do know some families that are specifically called to invite "special needs" children into their family, and they obey because God has given them a special measure of grace and patience for these children and their doctors. Yes, I'm talking about you Dorothy.)

Generally speaking, have you ever heard of the mother of a child with any type of disability who wishes their child hadn't been born at all? Yes, their road is hard, but every one I've ever met will declare, that, through the doctor's appointments, therapies, and surgeries, their child is still a blessing to them, that their child is worthy of all the love and affection a parent would lavish on any healthy child.

To their credit, I have some very good friends who "got it" as soon as I explained where I was coming from. And then, I felt as if I was on the right track when I met the mother of a baby who doesn't have tomorrow promised to him (none of us really do, but his medical condition makes it more obvious to his family). I hesitated to share my thoughts with her because I was afraid of diminishing the pain that she has experienced as she walked through this valley.

But, after I was done explaining the above, she affirmed that not only did she think I was right, but that people didn't realize it was painful to her to hear them say, "so long as the baby is healthy." In her eyes, it diminishes the value of her son to the world.

Ultimately, I want to be content in all circumstances and I want my words to accurately reflect what I believe about God's sovereignty and His role in my happiness.

For that reason, I declare that God is sovereign over both 

the gender and the health of my children. 

I would love to hear your thoughts on this matter. Even if you disagree with me or think my logic is flawed. But especially if you have walked the path of an unhealthy child.

PS - My declaration about God's sovereignty doesn't make it true, it is simply a declaration of truth. 

Am I Raising a Proverbs 31 Woman?

I have no idea what I am going to do with my 4 year old. I really think that she might be smarter than me. And more compassionate too. Tonight she totally brought me to tears with this conversation that my husband shared on his Facebook page.

Charlotte was bothering Jennifer, asking for so many things so quickly. So, Jennifer said, "Just a minute Charlotte. I'm not Superwoman." Charlotte responded, "Yes you are, Mommy. You extend your hand to the poor." Charlotte actually quoted Proverbs 31 about her mother. We have such an awesome daughter.

"She extends her hand to the poor, 

And she stretches out her hands to the needy." (Pro 31:20, NASB)

Lord have mercy on me... I hope I can always live up to her image of me. And that, when I inevitably fail, she extends her compassion towards me. All I meant was that I couldn't do 5 different things at once, which is clearly how I would define a Superwoman. But that didn't matter to her. She defines Superwoman in her own awesome, 4 year old way - biblically. Talk about being schooled!


As her mother I obviously try to instill my values in her, that she might grow up to love Jesus with all of her life. But until tonight, it never really occurred to me raise her according to the description found in Proverbs 31. Reflecting upon my mothering, other than teaching her Bible stories and memorizing scripture with her, I don't think I have intentionally set out to instill these principles in the hearts of my daughters.

Now I feel motivated to work through Proverbs 31 to pull out the main attributes of this "wife of noble character" so I can become more intentional in the training of my children.

If you happen to know of any resources that already do this, feel free to pass them along. Otherwise, I know what I'll be working on this summer.

Happy Mother's Day

Bruce here, hijacking Jennifer's blog again. Today is Mother's Day. And I thought I share a little bit about my appreciation for Jennifer.

Jennifer and I met in 10th grade history class. And, within one week of meeting Jennifer, I told her that we were going to get married, one day. This is an undisputed fact. But, Jennifer still has trouble believing I really meant it. Of course, she also shook her head "no" when I asked her to marry me 5 years later; she couldn't believe I was serious that time, either. But, I was.

So, why would a 15-year old punk be picking out his future wife? It sure does sound pretty absurd. But, even back then, I knew what kind of woman I wanted to be the wife and mother of my future family. Yes, I was a strange kid.

Years later, when I actually asked her to marry me, I had already planned out our financial future so that I knew we'd be able to make it. I was only 19, at that time, but I knew people, including Jennifer, would wonder about the logic of two college students getting married. So, whenever someone tried to say we wouldn't have any money to pay the bills, I could just reference my long term budget.

I've always thought years ahead.

I knew what I wanted.

I had goals.

And that nice girl in my history class was just what I was looking for.

So, here I am, 19 years after first meeting Jennifer, and I know I made a good choice. See, Jennifer is a great mother. Anyone who knows Charlotte Moon and Mary Mitchell knows what awesome kids they are. (Yes, I'm bragging, but it's true.) And, while I can take partial credit for some of their awesomeness, I have to be honest and admit that most of it comes from Jennifer. She really loves them and teaches them.

From the beginning of each daughter's life, Jennifer has worked to help them understand the world. And, she has helped each girl be a positive influence in the world. And Jennifer has even become a Titus 2 woman, as she ministers to, and advocates for, other moms.

I could go on and on...but suffice it to say that I made a good choice all those years ago. I did some dumb things as a kid, but choosing that sweet girl in history class was one the best decisions I'll ever make.

Happy Mother's Day, Mrs. Jennifer Sabin.

WFMW: Helping a Toddler Use Stickers

Sometimes I impress myself with my brilliance. I have no idea if other moms have discovered this trick to help toddlers use stickers, but I made it up one day out of frustration with helping Mary,  2 1/2 years old, get new stickers to put on her paper. Maybe you've known about this for years, in which case I say to you, why didn't you tell me?!

In order to make sure none of my friends can say I didn't share this amazing trick, here it is:

Pull the non-sticker sticky paper off the page before you let your toddler work with the stickers. It means all they have to figure out is how to get the sticker off, without messing around with the background of the stickers. This is really great for developing fine motor skills too.

And yes, those are princess stickers. Don't judge me. They were on clearance and at the rate Mary uses stickers (a little over 100 on the day I took this picture!) I'm not too picky. They have bug and airplane and dinosaur stickers too though.

Linked up at Works for Me Wednesday hosted by We Are THAT Family.

I eat like a homeless person, and I love it.

Bruce here. I've hacked into Jennifer's blog to post something. I want to share one of the ways Jennifer makes me proud.

Jennifer's friends might know that our church started a homeless ministry about a year ago. But, what few people know, is that shortly after the ministry started, Jennifer got the idea that one day a week she would cook dinners for the nine homeless people being served by the ministry. And she's continued that for about a year.

Every Tuesday, she cooks a big dinner. Most of it goes to the homeless people. She even packs the food up and drives it the mission. And some of it stays with us and becomes our dinner.

Moreover, she makes really good food for this ministry. In fact, the food is so good that I often joke with her that one of the things I appreciate about her ministry is that it means at least one day each week, I get to eat well.

It's sort of a joke because she does try to cook well for me other times. For example, a few months ago she decided to make Friday nights "guy food" nights. That's when I get some red meat, BBQ, or other guy food.

But, it's not completely a joke. It's true that I look forward to Tuesday night dinners. See, the Sabin family lives on a tight budget. We have vegetarian night, for example, not because we're trying to be healthy, but because meat is an expensive part of dinner. So, I look forward to Tuesdays because Jennifer makes sure the food she makes for the homeless is on the upper end of what she would ever make for our family.

And that's why I've hacked into her blog. I want to publicly praise Jennifer's Christlike attitude in this.

[Jesus] said also to the man who had invited him, “When you give a dinner or a banquet, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or rich neighbors, lest they also invite you in return and you be repaid. But when you give a feast, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you. For you will be repaid at the resurrection of the just.”
                                                Luke 14:12-14 (ESV)

When it comes to charity, most people, if they give at all, give from their excess. We donate the older clothes that we don't want anymore, or that we outgrew. We have some money taken out of our paychecks because, we're assured, we'll never even notice it's gone. While all such donations can still help people, they don't represent our savior, "who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross" (Php 2:6-8).

Jennifer is giving of herself, taking extra time to cook for 13 people (the 9 homeless and our family of 4), and then she delivers that food, every week. And, in that, she cooks some of the best food we'll eat all week. She doesn't combine vegetarian night with homeless ministry night. She truly gives her best to those who cannot repay her. And she has done this, week after week, since last Fall.

Few people know about this because she doesn't do any of this for her own glory; she does it out of her love for God. And that's why I am proud of her and have been blessed by her.

And while she wouldn't want the glory for this, I feel fine praising her in public. And while Jennifer might be embarrassed by this blog post, I'll gladly accept a little appropriate glory. After all, Solomon once advised young men to look for the woman who's character would bring him glory. The whole "Proverbs 31 Woman" passage hinges on its central thesis:

Her husband is known in the gates
   when he sits among the elders of the land.
                                               Pro 31:23 (ESV)

Tonight's mouth-watering baked chicken, seasoned beautifully,
served with twice-baked potato. Scrumptious.